‘Aquaman sucks’, says Raj on Big Bang Theory and well, it sort of did.
And as the credits rolled, my head shook in shame and embarrassment for DC and its films. Why? Why, why, why can’t they get it right? It didn’t suck so bad that I would walk out, but it just wasn’t as amazing as I really hoped it would be. I really, really wanted it to be good. I really wanted it to be the movie that made me feel like, yes, so much better than Wonder Woman and such a great foot forward, but it didn’t. It made me feel like it was right next to Justice League, wasn’t as bad as the two before, but couldn’t top Wonder Woman. They have not up’d themselves. They haven’t even come close to leveling up. It’s just a steady journey across the ocean on a battered boat.
Okay, let’s get down to it. Firstly, let’s address the elephant in the room. The only reason this movie made its money back is because of the hunk of a man himself, Jason Momoa. Now, I can understand why this fine piece of ass is a fine piece of ass, but he isn’t that fine. I’m more of a Chris Hemsworth admirer myself. My real point is, he can’t act ladies (and fellas). He is one top bloke though, and he is literally himself throughout the whole film. At least Chris brought people into the cinema because his films were actually good. But seriously. Jason Momoa fans are going to the cinema to see Aquaman. I noticed it. They are not going just to see a DC film about Aquaman. There, I said it. Jason is making them money. Not the film. And that’s what really disappoints me the most.
Aquaman starts as an origin story. We find out about how his mother, Atlanta (Nicole Kidman) and father, Tom (Temuera Morrison) meet. Side note, Nicole looks amazing in that white suit. Nicole and Temuera are the only f
lawless things about this film. There’s absolutely no character development, so out of no where, after stating that he wasn’t going to do it, Arthur (Jason Momoa) decides he will in fact try take the throne of Atlantis and stop his brother, King Orm (Patrick Wilson) from raging war on land and sea. He was another one that pissed me off. Dull villain he was. William Defoe as Vulko was there to be the one that taught Arthur everything. Again. No big impact. And the love interest had just as much chemistry between them than a wound has with sanitizer. It was painful to watch. The acting was pretty bad, guys. Nothing felt natural. It dragged where it shouldn’t have, and sped up where it should have slowed down. CGI is bad. It’s Superman’s mustache on one hell of a bigger scale. The jokes were poorly timed and often unnecessary. The dialogue was cringy at most times and unintelligent the next. And the story-line itself was just as predictable than the end of Bohemian Rhapsody. I am also confused by the timeline. Forgive my ignorance, but not sure whether this is meant to be before or after Justice League. If anyone can let me know, that would be great. I don’t really plan to do the research.
I promise I am not a DC hater. If I was I’d think Black Panther was a masterpiece, but I didn’t, if you read the review. But even Black Panther was better than this.
I had really high hopes for Aquaman, but there were too many issues to ignore. Listen, watch it. See for yourself. You might like it, but I really couldn’t be opened minded on this one. I couldn’t switch off and just enjoy. The critic in me just kept rolling her eyes. I tried to stop her, but the bitch kept looking away and holding her head in disappointment.