I’m not the sort of person that relies on a year to end to start over. Whenever it’s time to change, moving on or simply trying again, I’ll do it when it’s due. Not because the years ticked over. I’m not a ‘new year, new me’ sort of person. Ask anyone that knows me best. But, unfortunately, I have fallen into that trap this year and I hate myself for it. At the same time, I couldn’t help it. Frankly, my changes actually started in the late days of 2014.
Let me explain…
It started in April. My new job was consuming my life. I didn’t like it. Initially, I was ticking off the have-my-own-desk item from my bucket list, as well as being manipulated by the idea that I would feel more like an adult, and be treated like one because I was working with office folks. But, it took a couple of months to realise, I wanted out. I’ve had more headaches this year, than ever before. On top of that, they would last longer than the usual 24 hours. My stress levels caused by the ridiculous work load, and bad management were making grey hairs break through, whilst the dark brown fell out. I felt like I was going back to a bad place. A place I never looked back on and completely erased from my memory. All of a sudden, I started seeing flashes of it.
I also put on an embarrassing amount of weight. Regardless of whether my loved ones were able to tell or not, my stress levels were beyond anything I’ve ever allowed. I had no time or motivation for gym, because the hours and distance to work didn’t allow it. I found myself snacking and eating bigger portions. I’ve been so negative this year. I used to make time. I could say ‘yes’ more than I said ‘no’. Not this year. Constant random wake ups throughout the night, meant exhaustion. I had no time to go gym, because I needed to sleep. So, waking up early to go or going after work was out of the question for most of the time. By mid-year, I decided I had made the wrong decision for me. No regrets, because I learned from it, but if I get out, I won’t be back.
‘Darkness’ showed its ugly head again this year, too. Only once, which is better than most years, but the fact that it can still be present, gives me no hope for this side my life to ever heal. Not something I’d like to discuss in detail right now, but this added to my stresses late in the year. Unfortunately, it is something I will need to deal with for the rest of my life, unless it decides to stop.
So I ask myself, who is this person I have become? Am I showing signs of the person I though I left behind a few years back?
That changes January 2015.
For starters, I’ve got a new job; a promotion even. One I know I deserve. I worked too hard for too long, and finally I’m going to do what I have been destined to do. It’s not the top job, or one I plan to do forever (because I’ll try go higher, and then be my own boss one day), but I have never been a manager of anything or anybody before. I was born with the characteristics of a leader. Being anything less made me more eager and frustrated. Especially when seeing people be promoted, knowing perfectly well they are not capable. Nevertheless, I can finally be in charge of something. Ultimately, I’ll learn exactly what I’m capable of in this position. Though I start the job mid-January, I started looking in November 2014. See, I did tell myself to just let the year go; figure it out when the new year starts, but the opportunity showed up, and you better believe I snatched it. No matter the time of year. The day I got the call and was offered the Counter Coordinator job, I felt like even my guardian angels were breathing sighs of relief.
A new hair style will accompany me in 2015. I’ve never done anything as drastic. Highlights of light browns, blondes and caramels invade my thick long hair, and I love it. Changing my hair doesn’t sound like a big deal, but for someone who has never made such a change, and to see it has turned out great and suitable to me, my new hair will really shine with me in 2015.
In January, I will finally also go on a holiday with my boyfriend of almost 4 years. Yes, our first holiday. It has taken us too long, when most couples go on big adventure together after a year of their relationship. Finances, work and other commitments have made it hard for this step to ever be taken, but we did it. Again, something that was organised late 2014 that will begin our 2015 with rejuvenation, and will hopefully bring back those positive vibes. And there is no better destination to relax and forget the year before us, than Hamilton Island, Queensland.
The best thing I am most grateful for in 2014, is this blog. I am hoping it will reach its true potential, and help me get my dream job in the years to come. I am glad I finally started it.
I guess, the timing of everything has made it sound like I’m begging for 2015. All these changes that I initiated in 2014, will make me look at 2015 as a fresh start. I don’t encourage it though. If life is too hard, just make changes no matter when. I believe in the saying ‘life is what you make it.’ It’s your choice if you want to wait for summer to do something exciting, live for the weekend whilst being miserable during the week, and rely on 365 days to pass, to change. Something isn’t working; fix it now, not on January 1st.