In a year of a long list of happy news, I found myself finding them less important than all the things that brought me down this year. The negative was always so minor to the positive, but I let it take control of my happiness. It was overwhelming.

For the first time in a long time, I caught myself questioning whether I should change for them, or if they should just get and accept me for me. Once again, my passionate forwardness, and genuineness was thrown into a blender and mixed into a concoction of ‘bitchy-ness’ and aggression which is drunk by unauthentic, spoon fed, and highly sensitive people. I’m over it. I’m over having to apologise for who I am. And why should I? My blood is legendary. My family tells me I am exactly like my grandmother; the granddaughter of a Greek legend. If you know your Greek history, and/or you are Greek, you’d know the surname Kolokotroni. My grandmother stood her ground, was fierce, but still respected and loved, and that is something to be proud about. If I am anything like her, why would I need to change, let alone apologise? I won’t have none of that. But, I wasn’t always thinking like this.

Until the very end of the year I realised that I was doing the opposite of what I promised myself I wouldn’t do this year – take it all personally. People’s reactions to how I approach things, or how I say things is only a reflection of them, and never of me, because I know I do not intend to hurt anyone or make anybody feel inferior to me. I know how I would have meant it or how I expected something to be conveyed. It’s hard when you’re constantly misunderstood. I am the bad guy because I’m real, and I’m outing the fake ones. I can’t be bothered being fake for a minute. It tires me out. How can these people be fake 24/7?

It all started pretty well until my work took me to another store. I was told the store needed a strong personality to give some guidance. It’s been challenging. I’ve met heads that are just as hard as mine, that even almost 11 months later, I still cannot soften them. Though my position is higher than theirs, I am constantly treated as though I do not exist. It stresses me so much that I take it home. Instead of resting, I’m thinking of better ways I can approach the more difficult situations and people. Until the last month or so, I’ve been battling with the fact that I know I’ve done nothing wrong and that I’ve tried to do everything I can to make things positive, but all that has done is exhaust me. I also find the demographic in the area I work in more arrogant and selfish.

It wasn’t until toward the end of the year that I became more laid-back. I’m giving little attention to the ones that treated me badly and concentrating more on laughing, smiling and promising myself I’ll have a good day. I feel it’s working. However, that’s not to say I’m still not doing my job. I am firm where I need to be.

By now, I’ve realised what is really getting me down, is that I am not doing what I studied for. What I am passionate about. Not because I haven’t tried, but because it’s actually really hard. I want more than anything to be a film critic. I want to try and see a movie a week, if at all possible in 2017, so that I can write more reviews and see how much further I can get.

Within all this negativity, the universe always somehow sends me a little light. Last year it was my saviour in Maria. This year, though Maria could never be replaced, my light came in the form of Christina. She seems to think our connections is far greater than what it seems. Her highly spiritual beliefs and way of life, together with her laid-back, yet strong persona have been heaven sent amongst all the tension I have felt. She can also challenge me in a way that makes me better. All she has to say is ‘stop giving a fuck’ and, ‘who cares,’ but in the way she says it, her comments make my day. She is a couple of years younger than me, but wise beyond her years. It’s people like her I need more of around me. That goes to say, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep positive and vibrant people around me that want nothing more than to lift me up.

And while so many misunderstood me, one finally realised who I truly am. Maybe she always knew, but organising her sister’s hens and kitchen tea together, brought Sophie and I together stronger than ever. This is significant because she’s someone who in the past found me intense and again, misunderstood me. I think now, she gets that I am just the read deal. We now share the idea that personalities like mine and the straight to the point way of life is the genuine and best way to be, and even if others think of us as the bad guy, we know we have all the right intentions, and we have each others backs.

Putting all that emotional stuff aside, the biggest news in my life that came out of 2016 was that I got engaged. My partner finally decided it was the right time after talking about it both jokingly and seriously. I was completely shocked, regardless. I still don’t believe it sometimes. It was all so perfect, too. Every thing about how he proposed was true to us. I had asked him ages ago that if he was to propose, that my only request was that it was never in front of a crowd. Not only did he honour that, but he took a particularly normal outing to the Gold Class cinemas to watch a Marvel movie, as we do, waited until the cinema was empty, and then went down on his knee. All I could say was, ‘are you for real,’ repeatedly. It was perfect.

October was my crazy month of celebrating love and life. From the weekend of October 8, I celebrated my engagement. It was everything I wanted plus more. Then we celebrated my nephew’s christening and first birthday. He has been such a joy to our lives. Almost like that missing link to eternal happiness. Then, the weekend after we had my god sister/cousin’s wedding. I really look up to this particular cousin. I find us to be similar and yet so different, but she’s held an important part in my life, because I see her as a role model. The weekend after that, it was my best friends wedding where I was asked to be the maid of honour and take part in a Greek Orthodox tradition of crowning my best friends as husband and wife. That meant so much to me.

Of course there were other events in between, but I do want to give some special mentions to my good friend’s Matt and Karlee who had a baby boy mid-year. Also, to friends just as true, Archie and Nicky who also got married this year.

It is all this happy news that made me re-evaluate what I need to prioritise, and those who don’t get me are not as important as those who do.

Something else as special happened this year. I feel like I’ve got some of my family back. Don’t ask me the history, but growing up, I had missed a lot of moments in some of my little cousin’s lives. But, the universe has brought us back together, and like I mentioned to one of them, I am here now. I hope our relationships tighten and really cement in the future.

I also ticked off a bucket list item this year. I celebrated my birthday in a different country. My partner and I visited the USA. Next to London, New York City has always been a city I have had at the top of my must see list. It was everything I imaged. Miami was nice to chill considering we went during a less busy time. Vegas was out of this world, and what a fun lifestyle to live even for 4 days. However, the homeless are everywhere and it’s sad to see. San Francisco was a pleasure to visit, and where I also got to cross off my need to see Alcatraz at night. It wasn’t that scary after all. I also got to fulfill my childhood dream of seeing and experiencing the first and original Disneyland. It meant the world to be within those walls. I cried every time the fireworks came on. Then of course, there was LA. This is where I realised my true purpose is the entertainment business and I hope sooner rather than later I can live that dream too.

Someone told me this year to stop thinking that people are going to be like me when it comes to how I wish things were, or how I wish people would act and think. I cannot control others. So, I should focus more on what I can control. Even if I think they are completely wrong, it’s not something I can help, whatever it is. This bit of advice I will hold with me into 2017.

I need to mediate more. I want to take up Pilates. I want to connect more with the spirit world. I want to spend more time with those whose approach to life I admire. I want to care less in the most caring way.  I want to take on a new role away from customer service.

All this and possibly more are what I want in my 2017.

Though it sounds like I have had mainly a great year, I have allowed some negative thoughts to take over those positive ones. I won’t take that with me into 2017.

Wish me luck.