“Peaceful and less noisy”, my arse! (Refer to ‘My 2020’ to understand that reference).

2021 ended up being like that part of the rollercoaster where you’ve just done the big drop and loop. The big scary bits are over and done with, but then there’s the last bits, with several twists and sharp turns that catch you off guard, but because the scariest bit is over and done with, you kind of expect them to be there, but not as scary, but still surprising, and it’s just before you come to that sudden stop at the end where you’re supposed to get off, strands of hair stiffen up in all sorts of directs and your face is peeled back with that half smiling, half shitting yourself expression. But then, the harness thing gets stuck and you’re contemplating life on this damn ride again, and you’re frantically asking the ride supervisor to get you off because you really don’t want to do it again, and then when you get off, you realise, the loop and the drop were nothing compared to the twists and sharp turns. *takes deep inhale and then exhales loudly*. Yep, that fun, in a not so fun way.

Let’s explore further in detail, shall we?

Despite the shit show of 2020, 2021 began with a sigh of relief. Though our mate, Dan Andrews put some restrictions on us just on time for New Year’s Eve, it all eventually felt normal. The COVID curse seemed to fizzle out. And yeah, there were moments we were put back in lockdown, or we had gone back to some form of restrictions, but regardless, for me, it all felt like it was back to life as usual. But then we had an overwhelming sense of disappointment when we were left yet again in lockdown in June, but this one hit hard for my husband and me. With Harry’s christening weeks away, those 14 days in lockdown put me in an awful mood. I found those 14 days the most stressful out of the whole thing. Not just because I had to reorganise an event, but because family is super important to me. Growing up with a big one always around, is something I want Harry to have in his upbringing, also. So not being able to be all together, again, it was devastating. This kid doesn’t do well with unfamiliar faces. We forget that he, and all the COVID babies have spent most of their little lives in lockdown, so that’s what he knows; Mum, Dad, his grandmothers who would babysit him for a couple hours here and there, and one or two more people we would see regularly because they happen to live in our area, and seeing them was our permitted “2 hour exercise per day”. Shit, he even got used to seeing our favourite barista, daily. But I am so used to being around my family all the time, that it is disheartening to even imagine that H might not get the same.
Nevertheless, his christening celebrations were moved to his first birthday, on August 1^st. We did the christening ceremony itself on the original date. We did a very small gathering to celebrate at a restaurant, and waited patiently for the good news to give his birthday party the go ahead; the way we planned. But then, lockdown 5.0 came along. His first birthday, ultimately cancelled and moved, also. These lockdowns seem so perfectly timed, I thought. The changed date, later on in August would be our last chance to do anything. We got to a point where we just couldn’t be bothered anymore. I can’t imagine how brides were feeling.
And so, our boy missed out on his first birthday party, after all. Lockdown 6.0. Or was is 6.2. I can’t even remember anymore. But, that’s okay. The small gathering, we had at our home, though illegal, was actually quite nice and enough for us. And with everyone sending their messages and gifts throughout the day and week, it just reminded us how loved our son is despite 90% of his life being in lockdown.
We’ll come back to the old mate COVID, later.

Early on, in mid-January to be exact, I entered a new health journey. The commercial for Noom kept coming on when I needed it to come up the most. It was just front and centre all the time on my TV, and on my brain. So, I said, ‘what the heck!?’ I’ve never, ever been on any form of program, diet thingy. Noom was to be my first, and will probably be my last. You see, what attracted me to Noom was the fact that it wasn’t a normal diet program. It’s a guide to achieving a long-term lifestyle of mindfulness around eating and exercising. It’s literally psychology. With mindful eating and a lot of walking, I have lost almost 20kgs. Oh stop. Thank you. Keep telling me I look great. No, stop! *shy face*. LOL’s aside, I have to add, I never gave up the foods I love. Noom doesn’t make you do that. I still had my spoonful of Nutella every morning, burgers, pizza and/or souvs on the weekends, and dessert time was barely skipped. The other thing I learned through Noom, is it made calorie and step counting make sense. I thought the two were so stupid, and for the overly obsessed with fitness, but that’s because I wasn’t informed enough. Completely ignorant. This is starting to sound like an ad for them, but no joke. Noom made me realise how stupid I was to think that, and how important the two can be. It’s looking like a lifestyle I’ll be able to keep up with for the rest of my life. I cancelled my subscription in October and I’m still living that Noom life two months on.

Speaking of achievements to be proud of… One of my first big achievements for the year… and don’t laugh because this is a big deal for me, was that I finished reading a book in a month and a half. Why is that so special? Because the last book I read took over a year. The early nights in bed because of H’s routine, made it possible for me to be able to find some time to read, instead of sitting there killing off all my lives on Candy Crush. I decided, as the new year entered, I’d do something more meaningful with that time. I know there are people out there finishing books in 2-3 days, but for me to have read two and a half books in a year, is huge. And it would have been three, had I not invested my time in Money Heist right at the end there. Nevertheless, I’m not a big reader, and it’s something I always wish I was. I’m just glad this little spark is starting to burn. Slowly, but nicely. I’ll definitely be taking this habit into the new year and hey, maybe I’ll get more books in. And if anyone has any recommendations, my favourite genres are crime and thrillers, and I really love stories based on true events. Suggest away…

To add to the achievements of 2021… I became a Godmother in May. I baptised my best friend’s daughter. That’s one off the bucket list. One of the greatest honours in this life for me, is to be asked to be someone’s Godmother. So, I’m super stoked I got to fulfil that. Even more proud to have done it for my best friends. We aren’t overly religious, but it’s still a very sacred and important milestone for our families. And on the subject of baptisms… As expected, my COVID baby screamed the house down from start to finish at his christening. Like I said, Harry doesn’t do well around unfamiliar faces, including his Godmother’s. Then the dunking was like, the end of the world for the poor thing. I feel had we waited until now that he is over a year old, and the fact that he actually likes more people now, it may have been a different story. Who knows?!  

I’ll get this subject out of the way…

In regards to ‘my demon’, because I know that’s a subject many of you are interested in. I honestly thought there was a shift in energy. At one point, there was this little friendly patch where this person was easy to approach and get along with. Even to be honest with, instead of all that egg shell walking. Then again, that glimmer of hope tends to shine every couple of years. I was wrong to think so, again. The very ugly part of them beamed brightly and I reverted back to the immense hatred I had for them. In hindsight, I am getting to the point where I feel more comfortable telling them how awful they are, and have been to me. So, I think the time is fast approaching where I will be able to fuck them right off, and I can’t wait. I’d love to get into detail. Believe me. There’s a book in this subject; a book I’ve written and deleted the intro for a million times, for the past 11 years, at least.

Speaking of toxic energies… Come mid-August, everything changed. A huge shift in energy rumbled through like a hurricane. Bad news, after bad news. Awful moment, after awful moment. Negative, after negative. And they just kept coming in September. I’d rather not disclose most of what was going on, as it had a lot to do with others close to me, but it was so exhaustingly sad. Think, health news, mostly.

Let’s talk about September, then.

Now, before I get into the COVID chat again, I need a disclaimer here. My thoughts and feelings around this entire subject, continuously changed throughout the year. My opinions would often contradict what I’d say a week ago. One minute I’m scared about it all, the next I just couldn’t care less. But, I guess for right now, this is where I stand, if you care to indulge.
I decided to get vaccinated. If my livelihood wasn’t threatened, no, I wouldn’t have gotten it. Purely because I don’t even get the flu shot every year. I’d rather get COVID, try my hardest not to spread it, and develop natural immunity. I don’t get sick. I can tell you now, my last serious flu (which wasn’t that serious, but enough to be noticeably inconvenient) was in 2013. But other than hay fever, I just don’t get sick on an annual basis. I don’t know how I got this way. Maybe I’m superhuman. Who knows?! Moreover, I’m not afraid of the jab like these anti-vaxxers/pro-choicers, that would beg to differ. I believe in science, not the politics. I have many reasonable and educated opinions about this whole mess, for and even some against, but that subject is so tiring and not worth getting into. Everyone is so frikken divided by it. No one is willing to understand each other’s thoughts and feelings, and rather jam their own agendas down each other’s throats. “I’m not vaccinated” has become the new “I’m vegan” and frankly darlings, no one gives a fuck. Drop it! What a time to be alive.
Victoria’s roadmap out of lockdown was also here, in September. This included what vaccine numbers meant for what restrictions would be eased. Very confusing. I believe true normality won’t come back for a few more years.
Then, there was the protests that would often turn ugly. Regardless of your opinion, the tension was noticeably cemented in the air.
And don’t forget that 6.0 magnitude earthquake we had here in Melbourne. That shit was crazy. I hadn’t been in anything that big, since my two times in Greece where I experienced an earthquake there, on both trips.
It definitely got wild and everything felt heavy, but thankfully, that level of tension has truly dissolved.

I realised this year that I became a morning person; something my husband will argue hasn’t changed much at all, but believe me, compared to 18 months ago me, I’m definitely a lot better in the morning to communicate with. I noticed the difference when I went back to work in June. It’s that morning greeting that was the stand out event that put things in perspective for me. But let me go back a bit first. Mornings and I never got along. I didn’t want to speak or be spoken to for at least an hour after waking up. That’s no joke. That’s not even a sorry not sorry. I’m serious. Don’t fucking talk to me. I was rude. I was mean. I was a complete cunt, first thing. I don’t sleep well ‘til this day, so it didn’t help my miserable mood. But then Harry came along and I guess the need to push through the lack of energy and sleep, caused me to be more energetic and I guess, awake regardless of whether I was ready to take on the day or not. Whether I liked it or not. Whether coffee was included or not. My level of awake-ness had to overweigh any nagging feeling directed to grumpiness. So when I returned to work, instead of my weak grunt to represent my morning greeting to each staff member, I was actually entering with a smile and a decent level of volume on my ‘hello’. This is where I noticed who the miserable ones really were. I get it. You’re always going to give a more enthusiastic greeting to the people you connect with. That’s just human nature. But do you even fractionally understand how isolating it feels when you can’t even turn, or pick up your head to acknowledge someone’s presence with a simple hello when you notice them for the first time in the day? Do you realise how rude that is and how shit that makes a person feel? And how much worse it is when you do glance over to them, but decide to look away instead? Stop doing it! Nobody’s asking you to fall on top of this person, arms open in a warm embrace, but please, acknowledge their presence at most. At least when I grunted and barely smiled in the morning, I didn’t discriminate. Mate, I don’t care who you are. You’re all getting the same greeting. But this is a plain and pure effort to ignore someone and avoid even saying hello to them, specifically. It’s especially obvious when the same lack of respect isn’t reciprocated to certain other people. Be kind to all. Simple. But there’s something to be proud about in this scenario. I’m no longer taking it personally. Though it seems targeted, I don’t give enough fucks. That miserable person isn’t miserable because of me. Their actions speak more about them than me. And you know what they’ll continue to get? A nice warm G’Day from me. I’ve always lived by the saying “never stoop to the low of others.” That’s because I treat people as I want to be treated. Even on those days I don’t feel like speaking, I still try to raise my positive vibrations. It’s not that hard. Say hello! This all kind of leads into this next subject…

Over the years, I may have mentioned more than once, the need for me to focus more on myself and my needs and wants, after years of giving so much of myself to others. Becoming a mother really put that into perspective, and I’ve been prioritising accordingly. But I couldn’t help but wonder… Where do you draw the line between taking up space and being considerate of others’ space? This is where my overthinking, consciousness of other people’s feelings, side kicks in. As liberating as it has been to give less fucks, my next goal is to ensure I’m able to continue to honour my sanity, but at the same time being able to not become a full blown cunt. I’ve caught myself a few times this year not getting that balance right. I’ve been overconfident. Basically, I need a good balance of caring for others, without sacrificing what I need for my mind and soul. Like I mentioned earlier, I’m not willing to stoop to the low of others, and I’m always going to treat people with the same care and respect I expect in return. The difference is, the number of chances I give nowadays has just lessened and that’s how I will be protecting myself. This entire journey of changing mindsets has been a great achievement for me. After years of being so caught up about losing people, now it’s easier to say, “bye, Felicia”.

Speaking of work… I actually love being back at work. Especially this time ‘round where the toxicity has taken a back step. Every business has its bad buzzes, and there are definitely days that are triggering. But overall, it’s a great break to my week. I truly believe it’s so important for women to hold onto their individuality when they become mothers. I completely agree with taking a year off to be with our babies, before integrating the other items in our lives that make up our identity. That’s what work is. Striving for higher things, still considering my future endeavours, whilst still making sure, I’m the best mum I can be.

In retrospect, 2020 was a little bitch compared to what 2021 gave us. However, at the same time, 2021 was able to show us what we’re made of, and whether 2020 broke us, or rebuilt us. I say that as a mum who was put through the ringer trying to get my baby into this world safely, despite so much uncertainty. But in the end, I got so immune, and so numb by it all, it sadly all just became, normal. The “it is what it is” mindset spilled into this year, and that’s the best way to think. Can’t control it? Then go with it. You know what? Looking back now, mentally, I think I’ve improved so much. Go me!
I believe 2022 will be the year of a lot more change. I see more relationships changing. I see work being different. And I see my revolutionised mindset becoming greater. I hope to read and blog more. And I really hope the subject about this damn pandemic is only a short paragraph in My 2022.