I hated this movie before I even started watching it. They added John Cena to this ridiculous franchise, like the unrealistic action and stunts, and repetitive use of ‘family’ isn’t enough. These films consist of me repeatedly saying ‘sure’ sarcastically, out of disbelief of anything and everything that is happening. The only excellent thing about these movies, is the hilarious banter between Roman (Tyrese Gibson) and Tej (Chris ‘Ludacris’ Bridges). But let’s delve in deeper despite not wanting to, shall we. I also need to find synonyms for ‘ridiculous’ because it might not cut it, and/or will be overused.

It was nice that this film started with, and included bits and pieces during flash back scenes, of the exact topic these films were meant to be about – cars and car racing. To add, the flashback scenes involving young Dom (Vinnie Bennet) and young Jakob (Finn Cole), were almost complete replicas of parts in previous films. From the signature stare out the car window by young Dom, to the way young Jakob exits the car when he arrives to the drags, arms stretched out like Jesus on the crucifix, like when Dom did it before him. I mean after. Whatever.
Somewhere amongst the mess, is a storyline and I think it goes a little like this: There are two pieces of high tech shit hidden separately, that need to be found and brought together to rule the shit. Older Jakob (John Cena) and some little dweeb, are trying to get it and Cipher (Charlize Theron) has something to do with helping finding it. Can I just add here, that that dweeb is a useless character? Hence why I’m not even going to bother IMDb-ing his name for this review. He’s there but, what for and how? They didn’t really cement his position in the story, so he was an unnecessary extra. It’s like Cipher was supposed to be the main bad guy, but not enough was done to put her in that obvious line.

For the first half of the film, we establish what the movie will be about, but the first half is also a complete drag between getting the crew together, and figuring shit out. All I know is that everyone’s back in this one. Like, legit, everyone. But Brian (Paul Walker) of course. But pretty much, everyone. And Gisele (Gal Gadot) obviously because she’s off doing better things. Twinkie (Bow Wow) is back, and Sean (Lucas Black) is, too, just to name a couple. Oh, and obviously due to circumstances beyond control, no Hobbs (Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson) and/or Shaw (Jason Statham) either. Okay, so, kind of everyone.
Kudos to the writers for finally acknowledging their ridiculous stunts, where no one gets hurt. That was done during the scene where Roman asks how they’ve been on so many crazy missions and they have not, one scratch on them. The scene is cute and light heartened, and a relieving little getaway from the story itself. It’s definitely appreciated by the audiences that forcefully watch this series of flicks.
Now for the big palm to the face, shaking head moment. Remember when we used to joke about them eventually doing a movie in space. It happened guys. 9 movies in. They went into space. *insert forehead smacking emoji*. Enjoy the how’s and why’s with that one.

Half way through, we got our first ‘family’. Might be a record. And it didn’t even come out of Dom (Vin Diesel) or Letty (Michelle Rodriguez). I think there was about 4 in the movie as a whole.

Nevertheless, it’s simple to say, they don’t try to give us an actual intelligently put together story. They just try to overdo the crazy ridiculousness, and that’s it. Watch it to see how far your eyes can roll back.

Rating: 2/5